The Seven Best (and Worst) Things You Can Say to a Girl

Having grown up in an environment that focused on appearance, beauty and body size as a measurement of self-worth, one of my biggest fears as a mother is that I will somehow pass this onto my children. I like my nice clothes and highlighted hair as much as the next person, but the older I get, the more I value my mind and heart over my physique. Looks seems less important as health and happiness take precedence. I am an avid magazine reader, and as writers and editors waste increasingly more paper and ink on the missteps of Britney and Paris, I start to wonder why I waste my time and money on the vapid drivel. Every once in awhile, though, I run across an article I find valuable and worthy of sharing. I struggle with filtering myself a lot of the time on how I feel about myself and my changing body since having Claire almost six months ago. I look in the mirror, and I think, "well, it ain't what it used to be," but neither am I. I'm a mother, and there are more important things for me to think about than the size on the label inside my jeans. When Claire and any subsequent children see themselves in a mirror, I want them to see more than the size of their nose or the shape of their ass. I want them to be proud of what they can't see in a mirror.

From the November issue of Glamour

Never say…


“I feel fat.”
After a second helping of stuffing, sure you do. But beware! If she sees you hating your body, she may learn to loathe hers, says Courtney E. Martin, author of Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters.

“You’re young. You’ll get over it.”

Yes, she’ll survive being blown off by her so-called friend. But that doesn’t make it sting less right now. Ask how you can help.

“Men suck.”

Bashing just feeds an us-versus-them mentality, says psychologist Rita Haley, Ph.D.


“Sure you want to eat that?”

Eating a honking slab of pie is much less damaging to her than the feeling that everything she puts in her mouth is fodder for scrutiny.

“Paris is such a slut.”

Whatever you think of Ms. Hilton, trashing women teaches girls to be mean, says psychologist Sharon Lamb. Bring up Nancy Pelosi instead. Research suggests that talking with girls about female politicians can help them aspire to leadership roles.


“Guys won’t like you if you…”

It’s never good to change to “get” a guy. Tell her the right one will like every crazy, quirky thing about her.

“These are the best years of your life.”

High school?! As if.

Always say…


“Do anything fun today?”

Life isn’t all about achievements; this could help her find her passion.


“That was a brave thing to do.”

When girls stand up for someone or something they believe in, we should stand up and cheer. After all, that’s the mark of a leader.


“Let’s go for a run.”

Simply getting her going can boost her mood and self-image. Exercise also gives her confidence in her body’s strength.

“You can be anything; you don’t have to be everything.”

“You go, girl” is always a great message, but she also needs to know that when and if she wants to, she can slow down.

“Just know I’m here. No pressure. No judgment.”

It’s helpful if she knows she can turn to someone, even if she doesn’t end up doing so, says Haley.



“YUM!!!!”
Teach her to enjoy her food, not battle it.

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
Historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s so-true words tell her that if she wants to break the rules sometimes, you have her back.